Minimising the damage for children in custody disputes

When two parents decide that they can no longer live together, this does not of course mean that either of them loves their children any less. In fact, marriage breakdown tends to deepen the love parents have for their son or daughter, and it brings out the protective instincts in both mom and dad.

For this reason though, the children can also become opportune weapons, used by one partner to damage the other. The tragedy, of course, is that this tends to injure the child even more than the parents!

If your primary motivating force in seeking custody of your children is really their well-being, you must discipline yourself from day one of your relationship breakdown, to avoid criticizing or making denigrating statements about your former spouse in front of your children, so that your children can survive the custody battle intact.

Having a shot at your former partner through little payback statements that are difficult to challenge becomes painfully noticeable to your daughter or son after a while, and such criticisms only serve to extend the battle with your estranged spouse.

Be the adult in the situation, so that your little one, and only your little one, gets to be the little one.

Countless times, angered parents succumb to the temptation to have a go at their estranged partner by returning kids a little later than organised, thus making a point of rights, or they knowingly change arrangements at the last minute, just to stay ahead in the pay-back stakes.

Once you have divorced, you need to let go of the desire to take revenge on your ex for the pain you have experienced together. If something seems irrational, discuss this with your ex and don't let it build up, and be sure to take out the, "this is so typical of you" tone, especially when in view of the children.

When your children return to the other parent, they should not have to bear the burden of hearing about how the other begrudges their behavior, potentially decimating what should have been a positive time with the other parent.

Do not forget that while you might resent having to be involved with your estranged partner for the rest of your child's life, you are required to fulfill the responsibilities that have been born of that stage in your life that you spent together. Your children should not have to pay for that.

keep in mind that a psycho-emotional level, you are both a fundamental part of your child's identity. You dismantle that identity when you put down your estranged spouse, as you not only create conflicting loyalties within your little one, but also carelessly destroy the view they have of themselves, which in younger years is intricately linked to their understanding of their parents.

It will every time be in the best interests of your son or daughter to have the unconditional love of both dad and mom, and the working through of a difficult custody arrangement must be directed by the thoughtful actions of the adults involved. Relieving your daughter or son of the trauma of dislocation, and helping them to hold on to their connection with both parents is normally the best you can do for a child. Controlling your anger and moving beyond your personal exasperation with your former spouse can be one of the best things you can do for your child.

For in the long run, you do want your little one to learn that sometimes even good marriages do fail and that things do get tough, but that, in the end, they can turn out alright! This is what resilience is all about and nurturing this in your child has always got to be in your child's best interests.

For more information on Preserving children from the custody battle fallout: http://www.texaschild-custody.com

Articles on Pregnancy:

Acid Reflux Disease Pregnancy - It is estimated that as much as 80% of pregnant women have Acid Reflux symptoms.